"30 Days of Night"

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This class B movie is about vampires. So is it about me? No, I am sexy female vampire and these children of the night look like some people after bad facelift from Hong-Kong. They scream awfully loud, can breed by victim biting or blood infection (wake up, sex is for breeding!) and they generally suck (blood of course but I can suck other things too!). They speak in some strange language which resemble me chocking by bone (a soft one...). Even my lover - Dracula himself - is speaking with me in English not Romanian!

Let's try to present movie plot (plot?) in few words. In small Alaskan town called Barrow the sun has set for 30 days (nights?) and the vampires are making their own bloody feast. Communications, electricity are cut off and eating starts. Brave American Sheriff's Deputy with his fellowship tries to run, then to fight back, then to save his wife. We have brave self-sacrifice by tractor driver. Brave self-sacrifice by a man searching for his father. Self-sacrifice of innocence (guiltlessness?) of Deputy's brother. Self-sacrifice of Deputy. Probably movie creators wanted to make you some self-sacrifice in a name of (put whatever you want here). Please don't do it! If you are handsome male mammals make me a visit! I will suck your blood of without screaming (well...maybe a little howling...).

If you like plenty of blood, axe cutting, vampire little girls, silly endings and don't like famous actors, good written scripts or naked people making sex than this movie is for you. And my illustrator said that comic on which movie is based is a storyboard made in Photoshop. That's really a recommendation.

Where are you Dracula? Go to bed with me I am bored by this movie...

-Little Trouble